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To oversimplify what I mean, let’s take coffee for example. Only use current photos in your profile: One of the most common complaints I hear from men is that women frequently misrepresent themselves in their photos by using old photos (sometimes decades old) or by cropping them in too tightly so you don’t realize they are of a certain body type.

Most people can agree they don’t like scalding hot coffee, but it’s tough to get people to agree on how they do like their coffee. Obviously men do this as well; I’ve just heard this complaint more frequently from men than from women.

This was my introductory message strategy: I read your profile and really like that [insert a hobby, activity, job – something you liked about that person that made you think they might make a good match for you]. If you get a chance, please take a minute to read my profile to see if you’d like to get to know me as well.

So what are the elements of this message that appealed to me?

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This is one of the most difficult areas on which to give advice because this is the “coffee” of the online dating world (if you skipped the intro to this piece and went straight to the tips, this reference probably made no sense).

I was excited to see some great conversation happening in the comments of my piece “The Top Three Mistakes Men Make in Online Dating.” Both men and women shared their experiences with online dating and debated over the mistakes and fixes I offered in the piece. How do you reconcile a trillion different preferences in order to offer men advice on what to do to be successful with online dating? All I can do is set some parameters and offer my advice based on my own experiences and hope that it helps at least a few guys out there.

Throughout it all, what became most apparent during the discussion is that men didn’t want a “don’t” list. What they really want is some advice on what I hesitated to even write this piece because what people like is far more subjective than what people don’t like. To that end, this is my list “to do’s” for people (yes, people, not just men) who are trying to find a long-term partner using an online dating site:1.

I liked messages that were personal but not creepy personal, like the messages in which men would describe in gross detail how we’d live our lives together based on what they read in my profile.

There’s something to be said about keeping your introductory message brief and casual.

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